Moms Moving On

When our children begin to fledge the nest, it can be a turbulent time for us mums. We have dedicated years to nurturing, raising, educating, planning, researching, doing, existing for our children.

We always know that what we are doing is to raise responsible, well-balanced, happy, and successful children who will thrive in their own adult lives.

But all too soon they suddenly grow up and off to college, university or out into the world in their first grown-up job and you are left to wonder, “What now?”

There is absolutely no doubt that you as a mum and homeschooling mum at that, are going to go through one huge life change. With that comes a whole heap of emotions that you will need to work through. 

You are of course excited for your children to be progressing and having a world of opportunities and experiences open up to them. But there is a sadness that knows life has inextricably changed. You will see less of your children, not be involved in every decision or perhaps not know everything that is going on in their lives.

Your once full and busy days will suddenly quieten down and you will be wondering what to do to fill the time or grappling with finding your new purpose and path in life.

These are really all perfectly normal feelings and instead of allowing them to make you anxious, it is best to acknowledge that it’s quite alright to have a good old cry every-so-often to grieve the end of an era. It’s quite alright to not know exactly what it is you are going to do for that is a journey in itself that you will have to take before it becomes clear.

From the moment I gave birth I knew that raising my children was my purpose. It’s all I wanted to do. Later we were called to homeschool and I knew too, this is exactly what I was purposed to do. I have always been someone who has been perfectly happy being the wife, mother, and homemaker that God called me to be.

So when that purpose has been fulfilled and it fitted who you were so perfectly, it can be a very hard journey indeed to find a new purpose and if you do find that purpose it can come with feelings of guilt and indecision.

This is what I have been grappling with over the past year. I figure that other mums moving on from full-time parenthood or homeschooling must go through something similar.

I have been lucky in that I found something else that I really believe in and enjoy fairly quickly. Law. I really love it. I find it quite fascinating. I absolutely love my work as a Magistrate and it is this that spurred me on to take a law degree and begin pursuing a career as a barrister.

However, guilt is something I apparently LOVE to drag around with me. I feel guilty not being able to spend as much time on my home as I have done in the past. Guilty that the washing does not always get done in a timely manner, guilty that meals are generally quick and easy, that I don’t have the time or energy to bake everything from scratch, guilty that perhaps my work is not as important as the work of raising and educating my children has been.

But something clicked this week as I was praying about it to the Lord. I was asking how my work and chosen career path could ever possibly be as important as what I had been doing. Was it even worth going through the next 5 years of my law degree, Bar course, and hopefully pupilage and dedicate all that time and expense to a career that is quite frankly expensive to attain both financially and timewise, highly competitive, and difficult? Then I recalled Jesus’ life work.

He did not live in a sheltered, cozy bubble. He was out in the field with the despised of society. He took time to have tea with the tax collector, spoke to the shamed woman at the well, mingled with prostitutes and societies undesirables.

He wanted to be with the ‘messy’ people. Why? Because they needed him most. He loves the very people society does not want to bother with or see. As Christians, we should be the same, bringing the good news to those who need to hear it most!

My work as a Magistrate ensures that I am working with ‘messy’ people. They have issues, vices, tragic life circumstances that bring them to court. In my current position; yes I have to dish out justice and sometimes send people to prison, but I also get to sentence by way of rehabilitation and reform which gives people an opportunity to change. In this position, I don’t have much close contact with ‘messy’ people other than the short time they appear before me in the dock and having to deal with their crimes but in my chosen career path as a criminal barrister, I will.

For the first time, I felt some of the guilt fall away. You see, God called me and you to homeschool and raise our children; to keep the home running smoothly and beautifully for a season. Just because that season is over and your calling has been fulfilled does not mean that He is done with you. There will be a new season and a new calling; a new work that He needs you to do and he expects that you will do so with the same passion and enthusiasm that you have shown in the last task He set for you.

It’s about seeing the work that you do as working for the Lord for that is what you are doing. I would have happily stayed in my safe and controlled world forever. I have found dealing with societies ‘messy’ people difficult at times because their lives and choices are so different from mine, so shockingly astounding and at times repulsive. At one point I found myself feeling rather superior to them and that, my friends, we should never ever do! For it is a slippery slope into a hardening of our hearts. 

God wants to reach the ‘messy’. God loves the ‘messy’. Each messy life was once an innocent baby, created and loved by God. Each messy life did not start out so but through the enemies, plans became so. These are people, human beings who still, despite their ‘messiness’, feel, hurt, and endure so much pain. Jesus had compassion for the messy and so should we.

I’m now in a season of preparation and equipping for my next task. It requires hours of study and sacrifice. It’s a season of transition. And that is what you can expect when moving on from homeschooling. A Season of transition. Perhaps not as long as mine will be but it takes time for things to become clear. 

Pray and seek the Lord for His next ‘big thing’ that He is planning for you. Just as you trusted Him to guide you through homeschooling and raising your children, so too you need to trust Him to lead you into this new chapter of your life. Don’t make a move without taking God’s presence with you! There is a good reason whey Moses said to the Lord, “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here” before he led the Israelites out from Egypt.

And ditch the guilt! No, life is not going to be the same, but Spring is not the same as Autumn, and Winter is not the same as Summer yet each season is necessary and bears its own rich fruitfulness. 

I hope that this post has been of some encouragement to you dear mama. Whether you have homeschooled or not, if your children are flying the nest it is an emotional time and we need a solid rock as the sands of time shift.

Be kind to yourself, rest solidly in the Lord and He will lead you into the next season which is full of richness for you to explore and enjoy.

Blessings in Christ.